Atiim Chenzira

This is my site. I will use this site az a published journal.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Transition

Morning calls for my attention.
Bridge leads the route.
Beach embraces routine date.
Fog fades and clouds play peek a boo.
Light shines and waves curl with welcome...
Water baptizes locks in bliss.
Companion barks with obsession ~ "throw it again!"
Shoes fill with magnetic star dust, nano-diamonds, and ground rock...
Feathers whisper, "make me into something."
Clarity washes melancholy into oblivion.
Breakfast eases a rift.
Conversation lightens mood.
Music sooths every nerve.
Drinks transform vibes.
Dinner with jazz.
Sleep brings me here.
Work takes me away.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

SPEAK!

In a rush...
where the bubble bursts...
Emotions expand...
over floors...
pouring reality...
Cleaned up for more.
Feeling sore...
heart aches...
obsessive...
these ideation's.
Frustration is tangled with changes.
The bait was clearly a lure.
Explored futures are riddled...
with family ties...
and stress.
The will to stand firm...
is cut and RE-pressed.
The boundaries are Grey...
and will be until MADE clear.
With or without the present...
That time is ever near

You can
Say wha'chu' mean
Be rejected
But Respected
OR
hold your tongue
and prepare
It's in the waiting room.
So,
NOW is the time to
Eleviate the NEXT
Just
walk all that talkin'
and liberate your breath
SPEAK!


09/14/2008 Atiim Bomani Chenzira aka Blackulah

Sunday, July 20, 2008

In Pursuit of Happiness...

In Pursuit of Happiness…

Chorus:

In pursuit of happiness…, So nobodies home.

They’re outside on a corner doing right from a wrong…

Counting every single second like it might be their last…

Looking up, but it doesn’t trickle down that fast.

In pursuit of happiness…, So nobodies home.

Everybody’s looking for it, so they’re all in the zone;

looking for chrome, and lavish thangs’, a picket fence American Dream.

(with) Schemes and plots, but it hangs on string.

And “they” dangle it in front of you on a stick with a bet…

If you really want it baby you gon’ have to go fetch…

In pursuit of happiness, so nobodies home.

Their outside on a corner doing right from a wrong.

Verse: 1

I’m looking for a trap door, Maybe I can climb outside.

There’s no peace to what I’m feeling when I’m dealing with pride.

I’m shackled to debt

And waiting for a chance to rise.

I’m feeling pain and my brains got a glitch inside.

How the hell do I make ends meet,

When it takes money to make money?

Y'all, I got to eat.

In over my head…

Trying to make my dreams come true.

My ladies ready to leave

=Now= what should I do?

I’ve been raised in fucked environments

Where the tumble weeds blow

Where a vice is the only grip to life that we know.

People lose their minds daily trying to feed their kids

And kids try to find a way up out this shiiit.

Living in a ditch

Trying to get rich

By any means that pay.

Man the whole world is stuck that way.

Well, Fuck that way

The globe is addicted to the glamour and glitz.

So I’m in the studio trying push out hits.

In this web that was woven just for me and you

It’s a shame, but I gotta’ do what I got do

And it’s true...

I’m a slave to the dolla’ bill too.

So I’m a wade in the water till the day that I’m through.

Chorus: 1x

Verse: 2

Waiting for a better day's tiresome!

People Hold On!

Fingertips hanging on a cliff got to be strong.

If God don’t save ya’, then who will?

Have faith for a little bit of time to kill.

When the world turns everybody burns a bit.

Some greater than others

And that’s all, that’s it.

Being content is hard as hell

When you’re watching everybody else live on high.

Asking God for a piece of the pie?

I’ve been plagued with American Dreams.

Low self-esteem

In a city where the cash is king.

Arguments fill the air in my neighborhood.

Everybody struggles hard for a piece of the wood.

Some folks I know have more than they need

Try getting it on their own for their sanity.

Families keep a tight grip on all they do

So they’d rather be broke just like me and you.

On the streets people pass by riding on chrome,

while I walk to the bus stop trying to get home.

If I look at my life through the eyes of greed,

Envy all of the people who have more than me

I would never have a heaven in the life I live.

So I got to keep my focus with the heart of a kid.

Chorus: 1x

Verse: 3

Thomas Jefferson said life and liberty too,

But how does that mix

With the thing we pursue?

In a maze trying to find a better way to live.

Like a dog chasing it’s tail

But when does it give?

Dealing with overseers,

Egotistical men.

Paying chump change for the back I break and I bend.

Only giving up the minimum to people who work.

So a corner jobs tempting even though its in dirt.

It’s a shame,

How this game got us living a lie.

I aspire to live higher

And do more than get by.

So I have to keep two jobs to make it ahead,

Cause’ a man can’t live on only water and bread.

If I want to have material and lavish things

Midnight candles burn and the crickets sing.

Two suns pass by like the days don’t end,

For apiece of the pie, I’m gon’ do it again.

I won’t pretend that I don’t want money to spare

If I had it, I could be almost anywhere

Living life with my liberty and doing my thing.

Happiness is equivalent to freedom’s ring.

Chorus: 1x

Verse: 4
Happiness isn’t money it’s what money provides

Some come from the green, but still aren’t satisfied.

In somebody else’s pocket

Under control and stress

So they’d rather flap or fall to leave duress.

Most don’t really have it, even though it may seem…

Credit cards make em’ slave to their brand new things.

Some don’t front they only deal with boulevard cream

And the street life liberty is their daily routine.

Gamblers take chances with the shake of roll

Hookers hook for a buck on the midnight stroll

Players play the field looking for an ‘okey-doak’

And the rest get caught up for a hit of the blow.

Some wait for the opportunity to come

Others chase their goals until their days are done

Round the clock at the bottom of this pyramid.

Living life in pursuit, that’s just the way that it is.

On a routine slaves wake up to the sun,

Working from 9-5 and then 6 to one…

Looking for way out of this ignorant bliss

Broken spirits shatter like glass pursuing happiness…

Last Chorus: 2x



End.

A simple archive

A simple archive of thought that...
may transmit beyond my moments to...
whenever it is received.

A time to play may come to me.
A time to rest without interruption may too.
A simple archive of thought is all this is to me.

The weather changes, as do us, but...
The elements recycle though forms will adjust.
No new, no old, no straight line to the end...
The overlap occurs from out and from within...
Concentric DNA like spheres in this warp...
A simple archive of thought.

I adjust to paced run body taking in...
The Sun, ever constant, the shine can't be matched...
at least not here the near that we know.
The weather that changes from Sea level snow... is melting... ice is breaking... Time isn't going anywhere it's us that will fade.
A simple archive of thought...
That's what this is.

An inhale of now that's passed.. but it never really moved.
I witness the wake and sleep in shapes the body and in between the grooves.
A simple...
archive...
of thought.

Juggle!
Octopus!
Shuffle!
Run!
STOP!
ohhhh! Wait!!
Come HERE!

I listen and breath and know I'm me, and that choice is my will to make.
I can do all of what's asked, but I still must know myself.
Self!? Can I realistically do this right now? Can I afford to stretch myself like that? Do I have a choice?

Of course I do.
That is all I have at the root of mooooost...
Everything... we know at least.

A simple archive of thought...that is all this is.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Birthday Directionz

FIRST OF ALL...

Call me if you have any questions about directions and if you get lost...

Secondly, here are some directions from where you may start to where you may end... JFK Dr. between 30th & 36th Ave off of Fulton Ave in the Golden Gate Park.

Look for balloons and a sign that says ATIIM.

Peace.

Driving from City College:
Take Ocean to 19th Avenue.
Turn right onto 19th.
Stay on 19th until you get to Golden Gate Park.
Get into the left lane, and take the 25th Ave Exit.
At about 2 blocks make another left hand turn.
This should take you to JFK Drive. Stay on JFK
Drive until you come to 30th Ave.
Stop, you’ve arrived!
You should see some baloons with a sign that says ATIIM!
On the left-hand side. That will be us.

Driving From the Richman District:
Get on Fulton Street and drive toward 30th Ave.
At 30th Ave, Turn into Golden Gate Park.
Drive one block until you see JFK Drive.
Find a place to park.

MUNI from City College:
Take the 43 to Masonic and Fulton
Get on the 5 Fulton
Get off on 30th Ave.
Walk ½ block south into the park.


Driving from the East Bay:
  • Merge onto I-80 W (Portions toll). 8.6mi
  • Merge onto US-101 N/CENTRAL FWY toward GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE.
    1.1 mi
  • Stay STRAIGHT to go onto OCTAVIA BLVD.
    0.3 mi
  • Turn LEFT onto FELL ST.
    1.6 mi
  • Turn RIGHT onto STANYAN ST.
    0.2 mi
  • Turn LEFT onto FULTON ST.
    1.9 mi
  • Turn LEFT onto 30TH AVE.
    0.1 mi
  • End at 1000 John F Kennedy Dr San Francisco, CA 94121
    Map

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Today

I am sincerely present.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Fish Bowl - scratching the surface: A Counseling Psychology Exercise

Cross Cultural Counseling


Sitting in the fish-bowl was surprisingly difficult. I don't have much of an issue expressing when I'm entertaining, or leading a discussion, or teaching, but delivering a personal/intimate look into my life was hard with such an audience, a group of people I am getting to know. I lost any 'train of thought' and felt like I fumbled ideas. I jumped right into the lead of sharing when the silence took the room in the initial moments of the fish-bowl exercise, but I don't feel like I'd shared anything that could shed any light on what I experience each day.

This is hard work, which is emotionally draining. I don't think I can spell out my entire experience or completely validate my existence for anyone. I struggle each day to do work that I feel validates my existence. Death, drugs, or losing one's self seems like a great escape from financial, emotional, societal, and every other issue that is stacked against one. Mental health is a beautiful thing, but when access to that stability, which creates mental health, is not present or possible, people lean on escapes and run from their 'position' in life.

I really wish I could say none of this 'racial or cultural' stuff matters, but it does. I chose to work in social services and education, because of this fact, even though I could have pursued the path of 'Pediatrician' or any number of paths that could pay me into silence and acceptance, I didn't. I dove right into a field where one needs a masters degree to see anything resembling financial stability, this fact doesn't make working in social services any less difficult. In fact, it is a microcosm of what it means to be 'different' in this society. It's a cultural 'cross carrying' Christian-like thing to do, but minus Christianity, it is an honorable humanitarian thing to do, helping people help themselves. So, where do I fit in this scenario?


You are here, reads many signs and reminders that work, school, parents, strangers, organizations, and friends, etc, give us when we open our eyes each morning and push through the days, weeks, months, and years. Where I am in my circle of acquaintances, friends, and colleagues has to be just where I am, but where is that? I have to accept where ever I am, though I don't want to deal with it most of the time. I choose to dwell in a world where I am a pi-on and it is too humbling. The expectations that are placed on me from my cheer-leading friends and society itself is amazingly heavy. Labeled a hero by some and fool by others for doing this taxing 'Social' work, that society doesn't seem to help the helpers do.

I set out to touch the sky with my music, because it could turn out to be the route to stardom, which looks to promise access to resources and less stress, so I could take care of the many in my life that live in constant debt and emotional struggle. I found teaching and counseling to be rewarding only in the sense I am helping others. I am great at both creating and sharing words and frequencies of love, pain, and whatever I chose, and touching people in a personal settings etc, but I am still HERE. My location looks great to the many that take appearances at face value and it is terrible to others that couldn't imagine juggling or fighting to keep everything just at the surface. This eventually takes a toll on relationships.

I see, in my line of work, that minorities aren't the only 'people' that experience the emotions of loss, exclusion, stress, and many many more, but access is very limited to people of color, especially, but those who represent difference in many forms too. The process of elimination is great in the early stages of life and increasingly difficult along the path to 'personal freedom'. So, how do I continue to serve a local and global community in need of so many services to survive. Do I continue to self-sacrifice and carry a cross, or do I go the extreme other direction and only take care of myself? I try to find the balance.


Complaining without a means to fix a problem seems ridiculous, so I search for communities interested in changing the immediate world and developing a better world for tomorrow. Problems just seem to plague every facet of life from every imaginable angle, so, again, what do I do? That leads me here... In class doing a fish-bowl to share aspects of my life to shed light on what it means to be 'different' without the option of truly being 'normal'. I accept my differences from the norm and remember all of the different voices that even opened the doors to this opportunity to share. Do I complain? Yes, I complain, but I have to find a balance that supports my goals and gives me some access to provide for myself and to continue helping others.


So, I take my bruises and scars, experience and knowledge, my skills and training, and apply the opportunities that are given and earned, to take care of myself by living a balance, and share the tools with others who desperately need them. In a 'nut shell', so to speak, I don't have the privileges, that many don't even know they have, but unknowingly use, but I do have some privileges, they are the opportunities that others may not have known were available. Being at USF in such a program with this cohort and professors is just one opportunity that I will name. Sharing in experiences that will ultimately enlighten me more and add to my transformation is another.


Still, it seems I can only scratch the surface with this long writing. I only demand what I am willing to give, respect and empathy. I appreciate the stories that my colleagues share in the 'fish-bowl' and relate to many of them. When listening to other peoples pains and paths, I realize how much of a privilege it is to share in them. This society is where it is as I am too, but we all have the opportunity to share in each other's life and in this resource of community to create the much needed help and change we see is needed.


Peace.



Atiim Bomani Chenzira-Boykin

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Monday, February 04, 2008

More to come

I am pointing in the right direction. I am updating all of my blogs and Casemanaging myself! :) Keepin' it movin'!

~Atiim

(check back in two day time)